Hide and Seek

Sam runs into the room and darts behind the curtain. He wraps it around himself and spins until the curtain twists tightly around him and rises, revealing his body from the waist down. He freezes. Dad looks up from his book.

Dad: You alright pal?

Sam: (Whispers) Yep.

A few seconds pass, then Archie appears, he toddles up to the other curtain, mumbling 'Shhhhh' to himself over and over. He clambers behind the curtain and freezes.

Dad: You hiding Archie?

Archie: Shhhhhhhh.

A minute passes. Sam is still frozen and clearly visible (from the waist down), Archie has fallen onto his bum. Dad looks up from his book again.

Dad: So what are you both doing exactly?

Sam: (still whispering) Hiding!

Archie: Shhhhhhh. Hiding.

Dad: Ah! Hide and Seek.

Sam and Archie: Shhhhhhh.

A few more minutes pass. Mum wanders through the room with the washing. Slightly confused, Dad looks up from his book again.

Dad: Where's Emily?

Sam: She's hiding too.

Dad: What?

Sam: Shhhhh. She's hiding upstairs!

Dad: How can she find you if she's hiding too!

Archie: SHHHHHHH DADDY!

Sam: No, no, no. We're hiding from Mummy!

Dad: Ah!

Still more minutes pass. Mum wanders back through the room, this time with an empty washing basket. She glances curiously at Sam's exposed legs before disappearing on another errand.

Dad: Sammy, does Mum know she's playing hide and seek with you?

Sam: No.

Dad: But... How's she supposed to find you if she doesn't know to look?

Sam: Exactly! I'm so gonna win Hide and Seek!

Archie: Hide and Seek? Yay! Archie playing too! MUM, MUM, HIDE AND SEEK IN THE CURTAINS!

Sam: Archie! Archie! Shhhhhhhh.

Archie: HERE WE ARE! TA DA!

Archie clambers back out, his arms raised in triumph. Sam's shoulders sag, as victory disappears.

Sam: Aw, man.

The Bus Runner

Emily: Dad! Dad! Oh my god! That man just dumped that bus and ran off.

Dad: What? Where?

Emily: Look. He literally just dumped the bus and then ran off. I can't believe it.

Dad: What did he look like?

Emily: He was dressed like a bus driver. You know? Like a costume.

Dad: Where did he go?

Emily: He ran in there.

Dad: That's a toilet.

Emily: What should we do?

Dad: I think we'll be okay, Milly.

Emily: I don't know, Dad. This could be pretty serious. I'll keep an eye out.

Sharing

Archie 'Mind Games' Mallaghan

Dad is sat with Archie. Each has a mini packet of chocolate buttons:

Archie: Sharing Daddy?

Dad: We've got a packet each buddy.

Archie: Nooo. Sharing Daddy! Sharing is nice. One for you and one for me.

Dad: (laughing). Okay, I'll do a swap.

Archie: One for me...

Dad gives Archie a chocolate.

Archie: ...and one for you.

Archie hands Dad an imaginary chocolate.

Dad: Hey! That was just pretend! That's cheating.

Archie: Nooo. Sharing Daddy!

Dad: Give me a chocolate.

Archie: Okay. One for me...

Archie takes one of Dad's chocolates.

Archie: ...and one for you.

Archie hands Dad another pretend chocolate.

Dad: Archie! That's not sharing.

Archie: Sharing Daddy!

Dad: Give me a chocolate.

Archie: Nooo...  Sharing.

Dad: A real one.

Archie: Sharing?

Dad: (sighs) Okay...

Archie: One for me...

Dad: This is rubbish.

Archie: One for you. Say thank you Daddy?

Dad: No.

Archie: Oh look! Daddy's all gone. Archie's got chocolate.

Dad: Sharing?

Archie pulls his angry face and grabs his bag of buttons.

Archie: Archie's. No Daddy. Archie's chocolate. Naughty Daddy.

Dad: .......

The Spies

Was really excited to have a whole day with Emily and Sam the other week. Being the big Lego geeks we are (have been forced to become by me), we decided to go and see The Lego Movie. I sent them upstairs to get dressed...

Emily: What do we wear to a Lego movie Dad?

Me: Whatever you want to.

Emily: (thinks) Ah! Got it! I know we...

Me: You can't wear Lego, Milly.

Emily: Awwww... Come on Sam.

15 minutes pass, with much rustling and bustling from upstairs. Finally the pair come back down:

Agent Le and Agent Go

Me: (grinning) And who are you two?

Sam: Spies!

Emily: Secret Agents!

Me: More like the Thompson Twins.

Emily: No! I'm Agent Le and Sammy's Agent Go

Me: That's brilliant! You look ace.

Emily: See. It's Le-Go. Do you get it? I'm Agent Le and he's Agent Go. LE-GO

Me: I get it, Emily, you don't need to explain

Emily: Sammy, needed me to.

Me: I suppose he did.

Sam: Actually, I think I'm going to be Agent X

Emily: No, Sam. That doesn't work. There isn't any LE-X, you're Agent Go. Lego. Get it?

Sam: Yeah. No. Agent X sounds better.

Emily: (sighs) We spoke about this... Agent Le - Go. LEGO. Agent X doesn't work

Sam: Nor does Agent Go. What does Le-go even mean, silly. I'm gonna be Agent X

Emily: But Sam... Dad!

Me: I'll leave you to it

Emily: (sighs again). Alright, listen. you know Lego?

Sam: Yeah.

Emily: Right, so Agent Le and Agent Go...

At which point, I left Emily to her explanation, and went to make a cuppa.

Costumes Part 2

After the costume chat two days ago (probably worth reading the Costumes post for context), it seems as though something got through to Sam. Kind of...

Getting out of the bath:

Sammy: Mum, I just want to be myself today.

Mum: That's nice.

Sammy: No spies, no ninjas, no Batman. Just me.

Sam walks out the bathroom humming.

Mum: I think that's lovely. It'll  be great to spend the day with my Sammy.

Sammy: Sammy? I'm not Sammy I'm George the Mouse. Just George. Me.

Hums away.

Costumes.

Power Ranger Sammy

Sammy: Dad, dad, dad, dad.

Dad: Yes?

Sammy: I need to be a Power Ranger today. Where's my costume?

Dad: Sorry Sam, it's in the wash.

Sammy: But I need to be Power Ranger dad. I need to. I need to. I HAVE TO!

Meltdown is imminent.

Dad: What about your other costumes? How about being Batman?

Sam: No.

Dad: Doctor Who?

Sam: No!

Dad: Knight? Oh! Spy! How about a spy?

Sammy: NO! I want to be a Power Ranger!

Dad: (sigh). Oh Sammy. I wish you could be, but there's nothing I can do. Hey, I know. How about you just be Sam today? You know, for a change.

Sammy stares at Dad for a few seconds as though he's just said the stupidest thing ever.

Sammy: Dad. I haven't even got a 'Sam' costume. I don't even knows who he is, you crazy head! Erm...  If you buy me one I might wear it though...

Dad: I..  It's not a... Sam,  he's...  Let's get your Power Rangers costume out the wash shall we? Come on.

The Meeting

Sat on the sofa watching the Rugby with Sam. Emily enters, dressed in her best clothes, looking very serious and important:

Emily: Sammy, we've been called to a meeting upstairs.
Sam: Aw man. Meetings are boring.
Emily: (whispers) It's the OSS Sam! I've been promoted!
Sam: But it's a meeting. It's boring...
Emily: It's important Sam.
Sam: I'm watching the cricket with Dad.
Dad: Rugby.
Sam: Rugby. Yeah. I love rugby.
Emily: Sam. They won't be impressed...
Sam: (sighs) okaaaay...
Emily: Get your jacket on Sam. We've got to make a good impression.

Sam, reluctantly, stands and puts on his jacket and Emily starts to fuss with his clothes.

Dad: What's the OSS?

Emily: Organisation of Super Spies.
Dad: Oh.
Sam: Can I take a pet?
Emily: No. It's a meeting Sam, not a trip to the park.
Sam: It's a dragon. Toothless, my pet Dragon.
Emily: Oh. That's okay. Dragons are allowed.
Sam: He breathes fire
Emily: Not at the meeting he doesn't

Sammy picks up a plastic pole.

Emily: What's that?
Sam: My sword.
Emily: Sam! This is an important meeting, with important people, you can't take swords.
Sam: But we might meet some baddies on the way.
Emily: We won't
Dad: What's this meeting about?
Emily: If I tell you Dad, I'll have to kill you. Come on Sam.

Sam follows Emily out the room, still holding his sword and their conversation slowly fades away as they go up stairs.

Sam: Look! Emily! Baddies!
Emily: No, there isn't. Come on we're late for the meeting.
Sam: But meeting are boring, I just want to fight baddies.
Emily: Well not today.
Sam: Look! Behind the door, baddies!
Emily: No
Sam: Ghost zombie baddies?
Emily: No
Sam: Aw man.
Emily: I've made an agenda, it's upstairs.
Sam: Agenda! I remember when being a spy was fun
Emily: I know. But times change Sam. Times change.
Sam: This is gonna be a long day....

The Radio

Cooking in the kitchen with the kids and the radio playing in the background:

Radio: Let's go to the phone lines and our first caller is Sam. Hello Sam...

Sammy: (Gasps) ARRGGGHHH!

Dad: (panicked) What? What's the matter?

Sammy is speechless. He just starts jabbing his finger at the radio.

Dad: What? What is it Sammy?

Sammy: Dad! I'm on the radio. What do I do?

Dad: What?

Sammy: (whispering) The radio dad! They just said I'm on it. I don't know what to say!

Emily: You're not the only Sam in the world, you know?

Sam: Quick (Starting to panic) Please dad! What shall I do?

Dad: Are you serious? Sam... I...

Emily: (sighs) Sam! It's. A. Different. Sam.

Sam: Really? Phew! I didn't know what I was gonna do then. That, was a close one.

Dad: You are being serious.

Sam: Things almost got crazy then dad. Ph-ew.

Dad: Almost?

A New Level of Quiet

Emily and Sam: Night time explorers.

Overheard last night, creeping down the stairs:

Emily:(loudly whispering) Shhhhhhhh, Sam. We've got to be quiet.
Sam: Okay
Emily: Really quiet Sam.
Sam:Okay
Emily: The quietest you've ever been
Sam: Okay
Emily: Quieter than a mouse
Sam: Okay
Emily: Quieter than a REALLY quiet mouse, Sam
Sam: Okay
Emily: On ice
Sam: On ice?
Emily: Yes Sam. A mouse on ice. Ice. That quiet.
Sam: Okay
Mum: BED!
Sam and Emily: Awwwwwwww.

Feet clomp back upsatirs.

Slow-Motion

Sammy in spy mode.

 Slow Motion has become a bit of a buzz word in our house when it comes to Sammy. We were at the pool a few days ago watching Emily's swimming lesson. Me (Dad), Archie and Sam were sat beside the pool, it was very busy, and the boys were getting restless:

Sam: Dad, can I go for a run?

Me: No Sam. Look how busy it is. Why don't we read your book?

Sam: But I'm a spy dad! I've got to do running. Just to the other end of the pool and back? Please?

Me: No Sam! There's too many people here. Besides it says no running. Look. See.

Sam: What about slow motion running? Spies run in slow motion on TV.

Archie starts to crawl in the other direction and I go to get him.

Sam: Please dad, please!

Me: Okay, okay. Super slow mo though, okay and don't run!

Sam: I promise. (talking to his wrist) Okay. Let's do this! Go. go .go.

I manage to retrieve Archie and turn back around to see Sammy set off on the slowest, slow motion run I have ever seen. Each step must take him about 6 or 7 seconds to complete and he has the whole pool and back to cover!

As he passes each of the adults sat down there is a beautiful moment where their expressions turn from confusion to comical and then sheer delight. Sammy is oblivious to everyone around him - just concentrating purely on his super slow-mo running; following his arms and legs with his eyes to ensure they are in sync, and his movement is perfect! Every now and again he raises his wrist to his mouth (in slow motion) and speaks:

Sam: Ruuuuuuunnnnnn. Coooonnntaaaaccct maaaaade...

It takes him almost 6 minutes to cover the whole distance and by the end of it every eye in the room is watching his epic run and every mouth is grinning from ear to ear. There is even a ripple of applause when he finishes. Sam is oblivious to it all though. I have never seen him so concentrated, controlled or as disciplined as he was on that run. And for Sammy, as soon as it was over it was as though nothing ever happened:

Me: (amazed) Sammy. That was incredible.

Sam: Thanks Dad. He got away though, I was too slow. Have you got any crisps?

Chewing Gum

Sammy runs into the room excitedly:

Sammy: Dad, dad. Dad. Um... You know that thing... I mean, what's that thing in your mouth?

Dad: In my mouth? Nothing.

Sammy: No. No.The thing in my mouth. What's it called? The one that blows up. Look watch.

Sammy sticks out his tongue.

Dad: Your tongue?

Sammy: Nooo. You know, it's pink and it goes pop. What's that called?

Dad: In your mouth?

Sammy: Yeah

Dad: In your mouth right now? Ummm. Tonsils?

Sammy: No.

Emily: (big sigh) He's talking about chewing gum dad, everybody knows that

Sammy: Yes! Chewing gum

Dad: But you haven't got any chewing gum in your mouth.

Sammy: Haven't I? What's this then?

Sticks out his tongue again.

Dad: Your tongue.

Sammy: Oh... (pause for thought) Oh! Dad. Imagine my tongue is chewing gum. Watch this...

Sammy slowly sticks out his tongue until it can go no further then shouts.

Sammy: POP! Woah! Did you see that Dad? Did you see the size of that bubble? I love chewing gum Dad. It's great. Do you want a go?

Dad: I... To be honest Sam, I'm not sure what's going on right now

The Confession

Sam decided to confess something to us just before his friend Poppy came to Emily's birthday party:

Dad: How buddy, how was school?

Sam: Oh, good thanks dad. Well... There is one thing... I... Well I...

Dad: It's okay buddy, you don't need to be embarrassed. What is it?

Sam: You know my friend Poppy? Well... (blushes) She's actually my girlfriend. And I... (whispers) I just asked her to marry me.

Sam bashes himself on the head and rolls his eyes.

Dad: Really? What did she say?

Sam: (giant grin) She said yes! But then I said I would only marry her if she agreed to live in a giant metal pumpkin! And do you know what dad - she said yes again! WOO HOO!

Dad:...good... I think...

Sam: If you don't ask you don't get - that's what you say, and I'm getting a giant metal pumpkin. This is such a great day.

The Game.

Sat with the kids in the front room.

Mum: Okay. What shall we do?

Emily: Play a game, play a game. I've got one I made up. And it's fine mum, it's a game that EVERYONE can play.

Mum: What do we do?

Emily: There's a level for everyone mum, so that everyone can play. So the first is the Girl's Level. In the girls level you have to climb down the stairs - it's a race see? - swim through the water before the SPIN-NING DEAAATH gets you, then jump over the banana skins. Then there's the Boy's Level: so you run through all the people - like this - jump across the pointy things, dodging the grabbers and swing across the water.

Mum: Oooh. Sounds fun. Let's give it a go then.

Emily: No wait, there's a Grandma Level too - anybody can play this game mum. So Grandma's have to have crutches and they cross the road, get through the front door and find the tele controller and sit down. Shall we play it?

Mozzarella.

Sam: Mum, what's for tea?

Mum: Pizza.

Sam: Aw man. I hate pizza.

Mum: No. You love pizza.

Sam: ....(thinking)...oh great! What's that?

Mum: Mozzarella.

Sam: Aw man, I hate mozzarella.

Mum: Nooo. You love mozzarella too. It goes on your pizza.

Sam: Mmmmm.(eyes bulge) I love mozzarella, I'm going to be a mozzarella eating machine. Mmmmm mmmm. Yeah, I always love mozzarella.

Sam goes to leave before turning around to check something.

Sam: It's chicken. Isn't it Mum? ?

Building Clouds

Walking past some noisy roadworks with Archie.

Archie: (singing his travelling theme tune) *ta daa da ta da dah da ta da da* Oh! oh! What's that noise?

Dad: It's the builders Archie - look - bang banging away.

Archie: Ooooohhh. Are they building the clouds?

Dad: Ha ha, no. They're building the roads.

Archie: No daddy. No. Building the clouds.

Dad: Nooo. The roads.

Archie: STOP IT DADDY! NO! Building clouds.

Dad: But look - they're bashing the roads.

Archie: Noooo. NO. WHO BUILDS THE CLOUDS DADDY? WHO?

Dad: I... er... what...

Archie: WHO DADDY? WHO.

Dad: Erm... God?

Archie: Nooooo. Builders build clouds. Builders.

Dad: ...okay

Archie: (happy again) *dah da ta da dah* Oh, oh, look daddy. Builders.

Dad: Are they building clouds?

Archie: No. Silly daddy. Builders build roads. *ta da dah ta da* Silly daddy building clouds. *da da ta dah da* 

The Trip.

Sunday afternoon. Emily comes bundling into the front room, out of breath, carrying three full rucksacks closely followed by a smiley Sam carrying another three bags.

Emily: (out of breath) Phew! What a nightmare. I'm not doing that again.

Dad: What's going on? Why all the bags?

Emily: Oh! I'm taking Sam on a trip to Bethlehem but it's further than we thought and the donkey just ran away, so we're having to carry everything.

Dad: Oh no.

Emily: It's okay. I've got a driving license for coaches and we're hiring one here for the trip back.

Dad: Here? So this is Bethlehem?

Emily: Yeah, but our hotel is double-booked so we don't know where we're going to stay. It's a disaster. Literally a disaster.

Dad: Let me guess, Sammy is called Jesus?

Sam: Jesus! No! I'm a karate student.

Emily: There is a chap called Jesus though who said we can share his stable

Dad: That's nice.

Emily: Yeah, but we had to say no. We're off to the cinema to watch Frozen. Come Sam, we're gonna be late. Bye Dad.

Sam: Bye!

Dad: ...bye...

Writing with your Mouth.

Sammy: (unbelievably excited) Mummy, Mum! You won't believe this look - I can write my own name! Woo hoo!

Mum: Really?!

Sammy: Watch this (ahem) - S...A...M...MALL....AG...HAN. See. I just wrote my name with my mouth.

Mum: ...um. Yeah... Sammy, we call that talking...

Sammy: Really? Aw man. I thought I'd got it then.

Mum: You need to start with a pencil...

Sammy: Pencil? That's crazy. I just wrote it with my mouth, I don't need a pencil you crazy head!

Read This One.

Home, entertaining the poorly 2 year old:

Archie: Story Daddy, Story!

Dad: Okay, what shall we read?

Archie: This one. Read this one.

Dad: That's an instruction manual. Why don't we read this instead?

Archie: (collapses in a fit of despair) Noooooooo! Read this one. This one. THIS ONE.

Dad: Okay okay. Listen, it's boring - Chapter 1. Installation. Chapter 1.1 Wiring the speakers....

Archie: (settles down with a smile and attentively listens) Ahhhhhh

Dad: Really?  Really?... (sigh) Okay. Okay... ...take wire A - fig. 1 - and insert into corresponding - red and grey - ports...

Archie finds his happy place.

Extermin-Eighting

So Sam is pretty obsessed with Doctor Who at the moment. He spent the best part of an hour wandering around the house shouting in his best Delek voice:

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE NINE TEN"

"Sammy, Sammy - It's just Exterminate"

"I know - EX-TER-MIN-EIGHT NINE TEN"

"Sammy - it's Exterminate"

"I know, I know, Jeez. I know how to count. EX-TER-MIN-8-9-10"

"But Sammy, your... nevermind"

The Science Lab.

Sam: Erm. Mum. I've got something to tell you.

Mum: Okay.

Sam: I've got a secret science lab

Mum: Okay

Sam: When I go there though, I mostly just learn songs about God (sighs)

Mum: ...okaaaay...