Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Hide and Seek

Sam runs into the room and darts behind the curtain. He wraps it around himself and spins until the curtain twists tightly around him and rises, revealing his body from the waist down. He freezes. Dad looks up from his book.

Dad: You alright pal?

Sam: (Whispers) Yep.

A few seconds pass, then Archie appears, he toddles up to the other curtain, mumbling 'Shhhhh' to himself over and over. He clambers behind the curtain and freezes.

Dad: You hiding Archie?

Archie: Shhhhhhhh.

A minute passes. Sam is still frozen and clearly visible (from the waist down), Archie has fallen onto his bum. Dad looks up from his book again.

Dad: So what are you both doing exactly?

Sam: (still whispering) Hiding!

Archie: Shhhhhhh. Hiding.

Dad: Ah! Hide and Seek.

Sam and Archie: Shhhhhhh.

A few more minutes pass. Mum wanders through the room with the washing. Slightly confused, Dad looks up from his book again.

Dad: Where's Emily?

Sam: She's hiding too.

Dad: What?

Sam: Shhhhh. She's hiding upstairs!

Dad: How can she find you if she's hiding too!


Sam: No, no, no. We're hiding from Mummy!

Dad: Ah!

Still more minutes pass. Mum wanders back through the room, this time with an empty washing basket. She glances curiously at Sam's exposed legs before disappearing on another errand.

Dad: Sammy, does Mum know she's playing hide and seek with you?

Sam: No.

Dad: But... How's she supposed to find you if she doesn't know to look?

Sam: Exactly! I'm so gonna win Hide and Seek!

Archie: Hide and Seek? Yay! Archie playing too! MUM, MUM, HIDE AND SEEK IN THE CURTAINS!

Sam: Archie! Archie! Shhhhhhhh.


Archie clambers back out, his arms raised in triumph. Sam's shoulders sag, as victory disappears.

Sam: Aw, man.

Saturday, 8 March 2014

The Bus Runner

Emily: Dad! Dad! Oh my god! That man just dumped that bus and ran off.
Dad: What? Where?
Emily: Look. He literally just dumped the bus and then ran off. I can't believe it.
Dad: What did he look like?
Emily: He was dressed like a bus driver. You know? Like a costume.
Dad: Where did he go?
Emily: He ran in there.
Dad: That's a toilet.
Emily: What should we do?
Dad: I think we'll be okay, Milly.
Emily: I don't know, Dad. This could be pretty serious. I'll keep an eye out.

Friday, 7 March 2014


Archie 'Mind Games' Mallaghan
Dad is sat with Archie. Each has a mini packet of chocolate buttons:

Archie: Sharing Daddy?

Dad: We've got a packet each buddy.

Archie: Nooo. Sharing Daddy! Sharing is nice. One for you and one for me.

Dad: (laughing). Okay, I'll do a swap.

Archie: One for me...

Dad gives Archie a chocolate.

Archie: ...and one for you.

Archie hands Dad an imaginary chocolate.

Dad: Hey! That was just pretend! That's cheating.

Archie: Nooo. Sharing Daddy!

Dad: Give me a chocolate.

Archie: Okay. One for me...

Archie takes one of Dad's chocolates.

Archie: ...and one for you.

Archie hands Dad another pretend chocolate.

Dad: Archie! That's not sharing.

Archie: Sharing Daddy!

Dad: Give me a chocolate.

Archie: Nooo...  Sharing.

Dad: A real one.

Archie: Sharing?

Dad: (sighs) Okay...

Archie: One for me...

Dad: This is rubbish.

Archie: One for you. Say thank you Daddy?

Dad: No.

Archie: Oh look! Daddy's all gone. Archie's got chocolate.

Dad: Sharing?

Archie pulls his angry face and grabs his bag of buttons.

Archie: Archie's. No Daddy. Archie's chocolate. Naughty Daddy.

Dad: .......

The Spies

Was really excited to have a whole day with Emily and Sam the other week. Being the big Lego geeks we are (have been forced to become by me), we decided to go and see The Lego Movie. I sent them upstairs to get dressed...

Emily: What do we wear to a Lego movie Dad?

Me: Whatever you want to.

Emily: (thinks) Ah! Got it! I know we...

Me: You can't wear Lego, Milly.

Emily: Awwww... Come on Sam.

15 minutes pass, with much rustling and bustling from upstairs. Finally the pair come back down:

Agent Le and Agent Go

Me: (grinning) And who are you two?

Sam: Spies!

Emily: Secret Agents!

Me: More like the Thompson Twins.

Emily: No! I'm Agent Le and Sammy's Agent Go

Me: That's brilliant! You look ace.

Emily: See. It's Le-Go. Do you get it? I'm Agent Le and he's Agent Go. LE-GO

Me: I get it, Emily, you don't need to explain

Emily: Sammy, needed me to.

Me: I suppose he did.

Sam: Actually, I think I'm going to be Agent X

Emily: No, Sam. That doesn't work. There isn't any LE-X, you're Agent Go. Lego. Get it?

Sam: Yeah. No. Agent X sounds better.

Emily: (sighs) We spoke about this... Agent Le - Go. LEGO. Agent X doesn't work

Sam: Nor does Agent Go. What does Le-go even mean, silly. I'm gonna be Agent X

Emily: But Sam... Dad!

Me: I'll leave you to it

Emily: (sighs again). Alright, listen. you know Lego?

Sam: Yeah.

Emily: Right, so Agent Le and Agent Go...

At which point, I left Emily to her explanation, and went to make a cuppa.

Saturday, 1 March 2014

Costumes Part 2

After the costume chat two days ago (probably worth reading the Costumes post for context), it seems as though something got through to Sam. Kind of...

Getting out of the bath:

Sammy: Mum, I just want to be myself today.

Mum: That's nice.

Sammy: No spies, no ninjas, no Batman. Just me.

Sam walks out the bathroom humming.

Mum: I think that's lovely. It'll  be great to spend the day with my Sammy.

Sammy: Sammy? I'm not Sammy I'm George the Mouse. Just George. Me.

Hums away.

Thursday, 27 February 2014


Power Ranger Sammy
Sammy: Dad, dad, dad, dad.

Dad: Yes?

Sammy: I need to be a Power Ranger today. Where's my costume?

Dad: Sorry Sam, it's in the wash.

Sammy: But I need to be Power Ranger dad. I need to. I need to. I HAVE TO!

Meltdown is imminent.

Dad: What about your other costumes? How about being Batman?

Sam: No.

Dad: Doctor Who?

Sam: No!

Dad: Knight? Oh! Spy! How about a spy?

Sammy: NO! I want to be a Power Ranger!

Dad: (sigh). Oh Sammy. I wish you could be, but there's nothing I can do. Hey, I know. How about you just be Sam today? You know, for a change.

Sammy stares at Dad for a few seconds as though he's just said the stupidest thing ever.

Sammy: Dad. I haven't even got a 'Sam' costume. I don't even knows who he is, you crazy head! Erm...  If you buy me one I might wear it though...

Dad: I..  It's not a... Sam,  he's...  Let's get your Power Rangers costume out the wash shall we? Come on.

Saturday, 22 February 2014

The Meeting

Sat on the sofa watching the Rugby with Sam. Emily enters, dressed in her best clothes, looking very serious and important:

Emily: Sammy, we've been called to a meeting upstairs.
Sam: Aw man. Meetings are boring.
Emily: (whispers) It's the OSS Sam! I've been promoted!
Sam: But it's a meeting. It's boring...
Emily: It's important Sam.
Sam: I'm watching the cricket with Dad.
Dad: Rugby.
Sam: Rugby. Yeah. I love rugby.
Emily: Sam. They won't be impressed...
Sam: (sighs) okaaaay...
Emily: Get your jacket on Sam. We've got to make a good impression.

Sam, reluctantly, stands and puts on his jacket and Emily starts to fuss with his clothes.

Dad: What's the OSS?

Emily: Organisation of Super Spies.
Dad: Oh.
Sam: Can I take a pet?
Emily: No. It's a meeting Sam, not a trip to the park.
Sam: It's a dragon. Toothless, my pet Dragon.
Emily: Oh. That's okay. Dragons are allowed.
Sam: He breathes fire
Emily: Not at the meeting he doesn't

Sammy picks up a plastic pole.

Emily: What's that?
Sam: My sword.
Emily: Sam! This is an important meeting, with important people, you can't take swords.
Sam: But we might meet some baddies on the way.
Emily: We won't
Dad: What's this meeting about?
Emily: If I tell you Dad, I'll have to kill you. Come on Sam.

Sam follows Emily out the room, still holding his sword and their conversation slowly fades away as they go up stairs.

Sam: Look! Emily! Baddies!
Emily: No, there isn't. Come on we're late for the meeting.
Sam: But meeting are boring, I just want to fight baddies.
Emily: Well not today.
Sam: Look! Behind the door, baddies!
Emily: No
Sam: Ghost zombie baddies?
Emily: No
Sam: Aw man.
Emily: I've made an agenda, it's upstairs.
Sam: Agenda! I remember when being a spy was fun
Emily: I know. But times change Sam. Times change.
Sam: This is gonna be a long day....